Experiences

   

 Things I've been through and people I've encountered have helped me become the person I am today. Each experience I go through whether it's a good or bad one teaches me a little more about myself and gives me a reason to reflect about what direction I'm going in. A time when I gained knowledge of self was when I turned 19 and had to pay bills instead of going out and having a good time. An experience that exposed my power was graduating a six year exam school in June of 2013. I've gained insight about the direction I wanted my life to go while growing up and watching my mom struggle as a single mother and when my brother passed away. All of the things I've been through are a part of me that I appreciate and could never regret because they've taught me so many things.
      I gain self knowledge more and more each day but especially when I go through important experiences. When I turned 19 I had to decide between paying bills and having money to go out and have fun. In the weeks prior to my birthday I was planning a few engagements to go to and trying to finalize details of how I'd celebrate another year of life. I had a wild summer full of partying and outings following my graduation from high school and never wanted it to end. I had a reliable job but I had just moved into a new apartment and had to take on more financial responsibility in my household so instead of going through with what I had planned I spent my money on paying bills. I won't lie and say I wasn't upset but I had to get over it and make the decision to start changing my mindset for adulthood. I realized that this would be the first of many occasions I would have to prioritize responsibilities and sacrifice having fun to do what needs to be done.
   Graduating from Boston Latin Academy was definitely an experience in my life that exposed my power. I struggled for the majority of my time in that school and pleaded with my mom to let me transfer to a regular high school. The environment was sink-or-swim and wasn't considerate of personal disadvantages, struggles and hardships that made students like me want to give up. I knew I was smart enough to do the work but I didn't believe I was strong enough to balance the work load and demand with challenges I had going on outside of school throughout my years there. I really didn't want to stick it out but I didn't have a choice and I had to find different ways to stick it out. There was a point in time where I continuously skipped school, I had summer school for a couple of years, had a few suspensions and by the time I got to senior year I just wanted to get the last stretch of my time there over with so I could get my diploma and move on to bigger and better things in life. I felt like the school was unrealistic in educating students about real-world issues and applying the information we gained to everyday life. While I was there it was a curse but looking back at all that it helped me learn it was actually a blessing. I learned a lot about character, work ethic, perspective and self-respect while being there.
    Events in my life that help me decide what direction I want to go were watching others in my family. I knew at a very young age that I wanted to have a career that would provide long term financial stability in my family. I grew up with my mother as my only care-taker and watched her struggle to make sure my brother and I were always safe, fed, clothed and most of all happy. I witness my mom sacrifice her freedoms for me and my brother to have a better life and take advantage of every opportunity we're presented with. Being the first generation in my family to be born in America I had to understand that I was blessed with certain privileges and opportunities that people all over the world die just get a chance at. I knew I would have to fight for what I want and what I deserve in a very tough and unfair world. Losing my brother gave me insight that I have to make the most out of every moment in life because I never know when will be my last. I also gained an understanding that as a believer in a higher power it was and still is my duty to be the best person I can be and help others do the same.

Anger

Such emotion is contagious and

Easily spread to neighbors. 

You must be watchful how you spread this, 

For one day you may regret it. 

In the heat of the moment

Passion more powerful than you've ever known it. 

Enraged and fired up

Sipping from the devil's cup,

Might just run you out of luck.

So very difficult to overcome 

But once its done we grow as one. 

Let it serve as a reminder to you

From whence you have came and all you've been through. 

But never allow it to consume your mind, 

Over all-- be forever kind

Lend a hand to those in need

For one day that may be you, indeed. 

Spread love instead of hate

and you'll find those who will relate, 

Put your anger in the proper place. 

Blessing In Disguise

 

 An experience that I went through that seemed like it was going to be negative at first was the closing of my job when I was 17. At the time I was working at an after school youth leadership program at Family Services of Greater Boston. It was my first job and I participated in the program for a few years with my brother, and after time was promoted as the senior youth leader of the group. Being involved in social justice and civic engagement activities were important to my peers and I who were a part of the program, it was something we took pride in being apart of. In December of 2012 we got news that we would no longer be able to continue programming due to lack of funding. The change impacted each of us differently and in due time, I'd come to learn that the shift was to open more doors for me.
       Initially I was upset to see 14 of my peers and 3 of my mentors left without a job. I couldn't understand or maybe I just couldn't accept why a privately funded program that was so effective would be discontinued. I struggled to build a resume that would help me acquire another job and spent a lot of time pondering about how I would support myself and stay on the path to becoming more independent. I was disappointed that the family we had created and the space we decorated were going to come to an end so suddenly. I was worried about some members of the group and if they would find another opportunity to stay off the streets and spend their time positively. Mostly, I think I was hurt that such a great and life changing experience was not going to be available for other teens growing up in the city and a vision had lost it's life.
      Fortunately for me, I found a new job opportunity quickly after the program ended. Maybe a week or so after the program closed I began working after school at a local non-profit organization. In time, the change turned out to be in my favor because I got multiple promotions on my new job and got to fulfill some personal goals. I was able to develop both personally and professionally at my new job and I'll always be grateful for that step in my life. I began making more money and was awarded the position to develop and facilitate a youth division for the organization and be one of the founders of their youth program. I was able to greatly expand my network and meet a number of elected officials, candidates for various political positions and powerful leaders both in and outside of the community. A lesson that I learned was that change is not always expected and prepared for but it I should always look at it positively to not get wrapped up in what could possibly go wrong. I also learned that everyone adapts to change differently and how I deal with the changes in my life will either make or break me. It helped me grow in realizing that I can't be comfortable and mature at the same time, some things will be hard but if I can get through them I will be stronger than I was before.

Alchemy 

Take each moment and explode it 

Each struggle is a hurdle 

That pushes you higher, it pushes you harder. 

Reach for more than what's in front of you 

To do your part in creating the bigger picture. 

Every mistake is a chance to get better

Embrace the storms for days with nicer weather, 

Letting your problems be lighter than a feather. 

Explaining alchemy can be tricky 

If the reader's not with me, 

That the glass is always full 

Even if it is full of air. 

Keeping faith in the darkness

 That the end of the tunnel is near. 

But even more importantly to take the darkness as a time to reflect

Time to retrospect and gain self respect

Prepare your heart and mind for what may be next. 

Whatever life brings is brought for a reason, 

Your being fluid like the changing of the seasons. 

An understanding that as a creation 

You Are Nature. 

Mentoring

     A moment in life when I experienced my power at work was when I traveled to Haiti in 2012. I went to the community of Hinche, Haiti to teach verbal English at a local summer camp. I was apprehensive about going at first because of rumors I'd heard but it was honestly one of the most humbling experiences for me. I felt that I was using my power to help another person improve their life by teaching the youth to communicate with people. I feel like I was helping to equip them with a tool to break barriers and allow them to better advocate for themselves and the people around them. Majority of the students took advantage of me when they could because I was the only staff personnel that didn't speak Creole but a few students took to me and made me appreciate my time there even more. After my couple of weeks with the kids it was time for the camp to close and summer to come to a close for these enthusiastic students. During our graduation celebration one of the students hugged me and whispered a soft phrase in his native language. When I got another staff to tell me what he said it was, "I will always remember you." That moment right there melted my heart and reassured me that even the small things we do make a difference. And taught me if I'm going to leave an impression on someone's life it should be a good one, that they'd always remember. '
    A time when I felt powerless was after the death of my brother Ivol. I felt weak and lonely and very unworthy to be alive. Learning how to deal with his death was by far the hardest obstacle in my life thus far. I was 15 and my brother was 17 when he was murdered, he was my best friend. I didn't know what to do, there was no where to go, it was a reality that I would either let destroy me or learn from. For a good while I did let it destroy me, I stopped caring about my friends, my grades, my family and my future. Needless to say I did not stay in that self destructive phase but I appreciate having been through it and being able to look back on it and see it as a defining time on my life. During that experience I really had to fight with everything in me not to lose hope and hate life.
    Daily practices that I do to harness my power are being kind to others, helping someone in need even if it may be inconvenient for me, sitting through traffic to increase my patience and just doing things that I would not want to do because it does not benefit me. I try to give with no expecting in return and help others harness powers they may have too.

When I Was A Limitless Child 

When I was a limitless child 

I used to run free, I loved to run wild

Days in the clouds and nights with the moon

Dreaming all the while, floating like a balloon 

When I was a limitless child 

Extremes of it all, no detail too mild 

Immense imagination sparking creation 

To be the inspiration of my motivation 

When I was a limitless child 

Material things didn't matter no fashion or style 

 Church was fun and all I looked forward to 

First day of school and sitting with the cool crew

When I was a limitless child 

In single file lines we piled 

Up the stairs and down the halls

Smiles galore cause I was a limitless child

Ode to Mama

Dear Mom,

    I'm writing this letter to express my gratitude and appreciation for you. I want to thank you for being there to support me when I needed it the most and for always loving me. Words can never truly capture how I feel about you and the difference you've made in my life but I'm going to try. Your strength, patience and kindness has taught me about how I should be as a person and shows me how to always treat other good even when they may do wrong unto me. You've been blessed with an amazing heart and I honestly don't know how you deal with me but I thank God everyday for having you in my life. You've been a mother, a supporter, a friend and everything I've ever needed you to be for me.
    The thing about you that I admire the most is your selflessness. I thank you for always being willing to put yourself aside for my better and live your life in a way where I benefit from every decision you make. You've taught me how to fight and fend for myself, be a strong independent woman and never grow bitter or give up even through the toughest of life's circumstances. You've been dedicated to me my whole life and have shown me the type of love anyone would be blessed to have. You've done everything in your power to make a better life for me and now I feel it's time for me to do the same for you. I've learned how to set aside having fun and having friends to handle what needs to be done and make sure at the end of the day I know exactly what I'm working for. You're the most important person in my life and I hope you know that.
    I used to be a child and now I am a young lady thank to you. I am on my way to becoming a beautiful woman like you one day and having a type of love that never stops giving. I am still all the things I was before but now I am so much more thanks to you. I've learned responsibility and am still working on patience and compassion to deal with others and I thank you for helping me to grow in those areas everyday. I'm not sure what else to say but I would like you to know that I love you dearly and couldn't have been the person I am today without your help, discipline and love.

With Love,
Ajah

Ode to Mama

Thank you first off, I must say

for each beautiful and waking day 

I get to see your lovely face. 

A love so true you give to me 

and show me what it is be 

selfless and show humility. 

Your kind heart is ever warm, 

protecting me even through the storms

til dawn breaks dust and shows the shore. 

A wave of light comes splashing in 

when you show me to appreciate my skin,

for that's where I began and where I shall end. 

Not in the ground but up in the sky 

where we know Ivol can fly, 

one day we'll be right by his side. 

Please don't ever go away 

for I would have no words to say 

I need you. 

Need here to strengthen me,

help me get to where I want to be 

and teach me to get on my knees. 

To always give thanks no matter what 

even if I feel I have the worst of luck 

cause sometimes I just have to suck it up. 

Work each day to earn a keep 

to make certain I have a place to sleep, 

Mama you have been so sweet. 

A few tears drop and I realize again 

just how much you've been a friend

and that your loving never ends. 

Each struggle we've faced 

each time we've embraced, 

no one could ever take your place.

A mentor you have been so true 

to show me all the shades and hues

of every change that we go through.

Honest no matter how it may sound

both feet planted firmly on ground

Sweeter than the sweetest sound.

Your voice your words

the things I've heard 

teaching me street smarts because I was a nerd. 

Making sure I'll be okay wherever I go 

whether its with my palm trees or in the snow

This ode to you is thanks I show.

Ode to mama. 

Beginnings

 

     My name is Ajah Brown and I'm 19 years old, I live in the community of Randolph, MA. My birthday is on September 30, 1994 and I was born at the Brigham and Women's Hospital in Quincy. My older brother Ivol and I were raised by our single mother, Merveline. My brother lost his life to violence in 2010 when he was 17 and he is where a lot of my inspiration today comes from. I recently moved to Randolph from Boston, graduated from Boston Latin Academy and began my first year of college. My family is Jamaican-American and has traces of English and Cuban but I identify most with the first two. I know my father but do not have a good relationship with him. From my father, I have 8 siblings but my brother and I were my mother's only children. I grew up in the city of Boston and try to travel to Jamaica as often as possible to keep in touch with members of my family.
    I love palm trees, they represent a perfect peace for me and symbolize my aspirations in life. My favorite color is green. My favorite foods are cake and chicken. I have changed as a person a lot since my teenage years, some things have been for the better and other things I am still working on. Each day I try to work hard to accomplish the long and short term goals I've set for myself. I'm very passionate about helping others but I do need to have a better sense of self before I can do that effectively. I aspire to start my own business offering architectural, interior and landscaping design and possibly even have services like construction, plumbing and electricity. I ultimately want to build an estate for myself and my family and call it Palm Tree Palace, once I  do that I will feel accomplished in life. I got the opportunity to travel to Haiti to teach at a summer camp and that experience changed my life for the better. I learned about what it means to be selfless and that status or wealth doesn't separate people, people separate themselves from each other. I enjoy listening to music a lot since I  don't watch television and dancing is also a favorite past time of mine. I love to draw and pretend like I can sing from time to time too.
     My friends and family would describe me as a dependable and responsible yet wild and outgoing person because they can count on me to do anything, I try my best to prioritize the right things but at the same time I know how to let go and have fun. People who know me would also describe me as honest, clever and having a sense of humor because I  tell the truth even if it'll highlight my own flaws or sound less than loving, they'd call me clever because I think outside of the box and they'd describe me as having a sense of humor because I try to find the bright side of everything and laugh at it. I try to create a cool balance of yin and yang in myself.

    Affirmation #19 Let go of your anger to see clearly. 

Life with me is as wild as can be for
Every moment is a little special.
Through the seasons I shall change and
Goals I've set help me appreciate that.
Only moving forward but never forgetting my past
Only working hard to make money so I can go out and have a blast.
For it's not the finer things in  life I crave, I want love.
Yawning to retire, these are what fill my mind.
One day it will all come true, if I make it.
Under a lot of pressure to be the best me ever
Rather than running, I'm dancing in the weather.
And there's no stopping where I'm going.
Never giving up and always putting up a good fight
Going far and near to discover what's right.
Everything I see is a apart of me, I take it in
Reflections help me put them all in the right places.
Tomorrow should be better than today.
Only time things don't work is when they go completely my way
Sunshine so sweet, welcome to kiss my skin
Everyday brings new life and new challenges; I'm ready to let them in.
Eventually I'll know what it is all for.
Continuing to grow and learn until then,
Loving each new beginning because I know it'll have to end.
Everyday is just that, a new day.
Another chance to get it right.
Reasons to be forever grateful.
Learning to love again,
You begin to know me.