Fears, Assets, Obstacles

Fears 

My biggest fear is to be satisfied with a mediocre lifestyle and never accomplish my dreams of becoming a successful architect. This fear inspires me to work hard and makes me cautious of who I allow into my life, because the people around me contribute to the quality and progress of my life. To move forward on my journey I can use my fear as further motivation not to give up on following my dreams and being a disappointment to myself and my mom who is depending on me to succeed. This fear is here because I know many people who have had dreams they always imagined following but got caught in circumstances along the way that have limited and in some cases stopped them from following through. What bothers me is that they all cope with the unhappiness it brings instead of changing it although I understand it's not easy to sacrifice stability for a dream that may not work. In a way I can control my fear by accepting that if I were to die at any moment, that's as far as my story will have gone and I will be remembered for what I have done and am currently doing, and if I'm lucky enough someone will remember my dreams too. I healthily process this fear by focusing on other things and being mindful. 

   Assets 

Assets of mine are being honest regardless of the circumstance, determined to succeed and passionate about the things I believe in. These assets help me to continue to keep my ambition and continue working to make my dreams a reality. I can continue to use them to move forward by applying them to daily living and grounding myself with them when I find myself becoming discouraged. I have the assets as positive affirmations that I am more than able to achieve whatever my heart desires if I stay true to them I will succeed one way or another. They are aspects of my character that I've come to realize I can't control even if I wanted to. If I feel strongly about something I will continue to feel that way, if I need to speak on it I will not hide my opinion and once I make up my mind I want something I absolutely have to have it. I can healthily apply my assets by using them as inspiration and motivation to continue growing and learning to reach my goals one day. 

Obstacles 

Obstacles in my life are hardships I'm facing and making difficult choices in uncomfortable situations. They are affecting me by causing stress in my day to day life but hopefully in my life to make me stronger and wiser at the end of it all. To move forward on my journey I must overcome each obstacle better than the last and not allow them to discourage me from finding my own Personal Legend. I believe these obstacles are here to make me smarter about life situations and teach me to continuously rise after I fall. I cannot control the obstacles in my life but I can control my perspective and thus control the affect they have on me. To healthily process stress and anxiety from the obstacles I face I try to focus on appreciating that I'm still alive and my situation could have been much worse than whatever it is.  

Facing Fears 

In the face of fear

 I stare 

As if it were the dark of the night

My fight or flight instincts immediately ignite

I choose to stand and I choose to battle 

Taking on unknown territory, 

Strapped tight to my saddle. 

My saddle of faith 

My saddle of pride

For they see a smile but know not of what's inside 

Each mountaintop that I must reach 

Each wave of drowning in the sea

Along the journey to becoming a better me. 

Anxiety thinks its got me trapped 

For it does not know God has my back. 

All the while I keep on growing 

Searching for the deepest knowing. 

Problems will rise,

And so they shall fall 

For I will keep fighting

Even when my back is against the wall. 

Free Write: The Present

Free Write 

Today I don't have to go to work or class so I can stay at home and get some time to catch up on assignments. I'm enjoying this opportunity to clear up some things on my academic plate and give me a break from stressing about everything else. I got to just relax and have breakfast, and find a quiet comfortable spot to get a bit of reading done. I haven't read a meaningful book in a long time and love that I'm required to read The Alchemist for this class. Today while I was reading I read a paragraph that I feels describes me very well. It talked about the caravan moving through the desert which reminded me of myself navigating through difficult and uncomfortable situations. The caravan continued to move forward toward its goal using the morning star as affirmation it was going in the right direction. This reminded me of myself because I try to stay on a path to live my dreams and need God as a confirmation that I'm not living in vain and that I am going in the right direction too. The part that really got me was when it mentioned the final oasis being a place with water, palm trees, sunshine and other people because my goal in life is to become an architect to build my house -- a palm tree palace. 

    The first tattoo I got was of a palm tree (on my forearm in the picture above), it was a spontaneous decision but one that I appreciate more with each day. I chose to get a palm tree because it became a symbol of perfect peace for me after my brother passed away and I would frequently go to the beach to clear my mind and feel better about life. In my time at the beach reflecting I spent a lot of time imaging exactly how I want my life to be, and how it was going to make me happy and still serve the people around me. My dream is to become an architect and build a massive mansion full of my visions and inspirations throughout life. I want my house to tell the story of my life by passing on the energy that I believe I possess. My vision is for it to be a majestic house with stained glass Tahj-Mahal inspired domes that allow sunshine to project many different colors throughout my house. In the atrium I want a live palm tree, with water surrounding the base as the center piece of my atrium. Just imagine how spacious a house would have to be to host a palm tree in the center --- that's how big my dreams are. I imagine having all types of pets, I see birds and butterflies flying throughout my yard and I also want a garden with many sitting areas, ponds and places for meditation. Words can't fully capture what I see but I hope to create a place where my family and friends are always welcome to come if they would like to take time and either just enjoy life or find deeper meaning to their life. I want to be a sort of oasis for the people in my life. 

   To do that I have to fulfill my own Personal Legend. I'm on a rocky road there but I do believe I am on the right path towards achieving my dreams. Hardships that I'm experiencing bother me less each time I think about the fact that the path to success is not a straight one. I take every experience and try to just learn something from it rather than allowing it to discourage me or change my mind. I try to think about the fact that I've been blessed with the opportunity to be able to follow my dreams as long as I'm willing to do hard work and network to get to where I want to be. At the current moment quite a few details about my life are up in the air but instead of stress or panic about them I'm trying to be more vigilant and attentive to my responsibilities. I believe that to whom much is given, much is expected and I want to demonstrate my gratitude for all that I've been given  by being successful and learning to spread love even when I'm upset. I practiced alchemy without even knowing that's what it was called; I think its a synonym for optimism and can take you very far in life if you let it lead you.

When I Am In The Moment

When I am in the moment

Everything, I own it

The air I breathe flows smooth and slow

The trees may sway and winds may blow

But on my mind is just one thing

How every single force convenes

Like all things they move together

To create a solid, changing picture. 

 When I am in the moment

I let go of it all 

I let myself be free to fly 

For any moment I could die

without a legacy to leave behind. 

But then I see my legacy everywhere around me

I am the sky 

I am the soil

The winter's cold --  hot summer's broil 

I find my freedom; 

I fear no more. 

When I am in the moment 

I am where I'm supposed to be 

I am the most conscience form of me

Alchemy.